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One fateful morning as I was walking down the halls I ran into Jesse K. We began talking and somehow stumbled onto the topic of "TheBookOnline". Jesse mentioned he was desperate for articles, and I bitched about having to wake up early again after a summer of sleep. Then a light went off in my head. I could solve my drowsiness problem, and Jesse could get an article. So after school that day I went over to Publix and decided to "invest" in three of these energy concoctions, drink them (one a day, don't want to die) and review them. Each review is based on its taste and energy boost, and is on a scale of 1-10. Also, as I am a strong believer in the power of suggestion (which I think these drinks can solely be marketed on), I made sure to drink these with the mindset that "I will feel absolutely no effects from this drink", therefore (hopefully) getting more genuine results for the "energy boost".
DISCLAIMER: Each of these drinks contains guarana extract. Guarana is a South American plant that has stimulant properties, much like caffeine. The FDA has stated that guarana is NOT considered a safe food, so DRINK AT YOUR OWN RISK. Now that that's said, onto our first contestant.
Blue Ox 
Nutrition Facts: calories 118; fat 0g; tot. carbohydrates 27g; sugars 27g; niacin 5mg; vitamin B6 0.5mg; vitamin B12 2.5mg; pantothenate 2.5mg; taurine 1000mg; caffeine 95mg; inositol 20mg; ginseng 42mg; guarana 42mg
Blue Ox is manufactured/distributed by the Vancol Beverage Group. The taste could best be described as if an orange vomited into a can. It's like orange juice, which isn't bad. It's extremely acidic, which is bad. The stuff burned the back of my throat as I drank it. I'm not talking that carbonated little burn you feel like when you drink a soda, I'm talking as if you were to swallow with a case of strep throat. As far as the energy boost, very weak. I really didn't feel any effects, and was just as tired as I was before I had the drink, only now with an irritated throat. I give the taste a 2, and the energy boost a 1. Overall a very bad drink. EAS Piranha 
Calories 140, Total Fat 0g, Saturated Fat 0g, Cholesterol 0mg, Sodium 10mg, Total Carbs 35g, Dietary Fiber 0g, Sugars 35g, Protein 0g (note: this was the only official nutritional info I could find. There is caffeine and guarana in EAS Piranha, although I don't know the exact numeric content.)
This was by far the best tasting of the bunch. Actually, I would drink this even if it didn't have the energy benefit. It tasted like carbonated Hawaiian Punch. Actually, it tasted almost exactly like Welch's Fruit Punch. Very pleasing to the tongue. Now for the boost. This had to be the most disappointing aspect of the drink. I was really hoping for a decent one so I could have a near perfect overall drink, but alas, the boost failed. I took my heart rate before I drank it and ten minutes after, a ten beat per minute jump (from 90 at rest to 100), but I didn't feel any more alert/rejuvenated/godly. I give the taste an 8, but the boost a 2. Extreme Energy Shot 
Nutrition Facts: Contains 10% juice; calories 130; total fat 0g; sodium 25mg; total carb 34g; sugars 33g; protein 0g; vitamin B6 100%; vitamin B12 100%; vitamin C 100%; pantothenic acid 100%; taurine 1000mg; caffeine 100mg; d-ribose 250mg; l-carnitine 100mg; panax ginseng 100mg; inositol 100mg; guarana 100mg; glucoronolactone 100mg
This one is made by the Arizona company, and actually wasn't too bad. A hint of an orange flavor, but kind of bitter. Definitely one of the better ones on the market. It's also lightly carbonated which makes it slightly more tolerable. I honestly did feel the effects about 10 minutes after I consumed it (couldn't stop tapping my foot and my heart rate was slightly faster.. I don't know if this is good or bad). Then about an hour later I actually felt a little tired. So I suppose for a quick boost this would be OK. Overall I rate the taste a seven, and the energy boost a 4 (although relatively powerful, too quick). Red Bull 
(thanks Adam)
Nutrition Facts: Serving Size: 8.3 fl. oz Servings per Container: 1 Amount per serving: Calories: 113 Total Fat: 0g Sodium: 215mg Protein: 0g Total Carbohydrates: 28g Sugars: 28g Caffeine: 85mg.
I found Red Bull to have a hideous taste. This could possibly be because I tried to drink it all at once at room temperature. Anyhow, the best way I can describe it is it would be like biting into an unripened lemon. As for the energy boost, it was almost non-existent. I just had a slight increase in heart rate. A few minutes after drinking, I suffered the following symptoms: heart burn, acid reflux, and severe gut rot. Don't drink Red Bull, ever. The taste I give a 2, and the boost a 3.
So, to conclude this poor excuse for an article, the energy drink "craze" is most likely a passing fad, soon to be doomed to the Hell that pogs, yo-yo's, and MC Hammer went to. These drinks averaged $1.50 apiece, and were totally not worth it. A cup of black coffee is much cheaper and gives a much better surge, unless it's from Starbucks, which is a whole different article...
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